ONLINE DATING
Vol. 02
This is the second installment of our dating in the virtual world - the series.
Many of you wrote in to share your experiences for better or worse. have a read, learn a little, laugh some and be cautious too, its tough out there.
Rest assured, we are collectively navigating this sometimes jarring and sterile approach to human connection which at its essence is meant to be soft and organic.
Digital will never be human, but it could just give you many many more options to be human and that's pretty cool!
Do you believe in love at first swipe?
Female, 24
Before {my} experience, no. But now I could be convinced.
Female
No! My previous partner (the one after the 7 year relationship) I remember hesitating swiping right on him because I had stereotyped him as someone who was going to break my heart because of the way he looked! He was actually the biggest softie and sweetheart.
Male, 21
This feels like a cynical take but I don't really think love at first sight is real, infatuation absolutely! - but I think love grows slowly over time as you trust each other.
Female, 24
Not really. I believe in connection at first sight, but think in order to feel that initial connection it needs to be in person.
What are your thoughts on the biases / judgements made towards online dating? Are they valid?
Female, 24
I think there is a lot of stigma around online dating, especially from older generations. In my brief experience using an app I experienced both the positives (e.g., finding my gorgeous boyfriend) and the negatives (e.g., being hit up by creepy men).
Male, 28
I think there are still a lot of people who think that dating apps are just for people who want sex, which some do, but that's not always true. It’s important to remember that dating apps are a viable option to meet people, make friends and find your person.
Female
I will admit that I feel embarrassed and dont like telling people that I’ve met my last two partners on Tinder/Bumble! I wish I could say that we met at a bar or a party or something! I always try and avoid the ‘how did you meet?’ question. I am unsure why I feel this way when I literally know people who are married who met on Tinder! I think a few years ago, there was a lot more judgment than there is now. I don’t think the biases/judgment is valid at all, but I still *feel it*
Male 21
It feels like people place 'ways you met your partner' on a hierarchy. At the bottom of that hierarchy? Online dating. Maybe because it appears detached from the real world rather than the romanticized meet cutes that saturate Netflix originals which feels ironic? Maybe it's because meeting people online has only become mainstream for younger people in the past ten years so we don't really associate it with the long-term love that our elders (parents/grandparents etc..) may have. I don't think the bias against online dating is fair but at the same time, in the back of my head, I’m convinced that I won't meet my partner online - a sign of my own bias.
Female
I think there is a lot of stigma around online dating, especially from older generations. In my brief experience using an app I experienced both the positives (e.g., finding my gorgeous boyfriend) and the negatives (e.g., being hit up by creepy men).
“It feels like people place 'ways you met your partner' on a hierarchy. At the bottom of that hierarchy? Online dating.”
Do you have any tips or advice to other online daters searching for genuine connection?
Male, 21
Besides the fundamental safety advice (meet in public, tell your friends where you're going/share location, get a friend to call you).
- Take the time to actually talk to the people you match with to see if you're compatible rather than constantly swiping looking for more matches. I also find that not talking for too long before meeting them in person works well.
- Also, there are a lot of people out there and you're not going to like all of them. I think it's great if you don't feel a connection with someone after a date to let them know.
Female
I have had 2/2 successes, and all the other people I’ve met up with I feel like we have had a genuine connection. I always just bring my complete self to a date, and don't find it hard to be myself! I guess I am lucky in that respect. It has regularly been commented on by people I’ve gone on dates with that they find me really genuine, a breath of fresh air, and easy to get on with.
Male, 28
The old cliché works best here, be yourself. You can’t find a genuine connection if you are unable to be your genuine self.
Female, 24
I think main thing is just be yourself, but even in person dating too. Sounds cliche but if you’re trying to change how you would usually talk/act/etc from the get go you’re not going to have a good time. It’s online dating, it’s not that deep, just have fun, take the piss and if they aren’t keen then there’s plenty more people to talk to.
Female, 24
Don’t be afraid to message first/make the first move! Allow yourself to be open and vulnerable (while also maintaining your safety - of both your soul/self).
Do you have any hilarious / horrific / haunting first date stories?
Female, 24
I went on a date with a guy who lectured me on putting toxins into my body (because I eat non-organic food sometimes) whilst he chain smoked cigarettes…. it was really bizarre.
Male, 21
Yes. One time a girl I went on a date with had told her parents that we had been dating for three months, that was the only time I had met her...
Female, 24
I went on a date with a Chilean guy in Vienna, just before the date he said his english wasn’t the best but I kind of thought well if we’ve been chatting online for a bit it couldn’t be that bad. Got there and he couldn’t understand a word I was saying and think the whole date was 30 mins lol
Male, 28
I went out for a date with the founder of New Zealand handbag brand. She showed up a wee bit buzzed after drinking for a couple of hours, and then proceeded to loudly talk at me about her political views and why I should vote in line with her views, for about an hour
“A date took me back to his mums house, he had an unmade single bed with the mattress exposed, I had to climb over all his clothes on the floor to get to the bed. The bottom sheet didnt fit the bed. There was no top sheet. The pillow looked like it was giving birth to itself. He told me I wasnt allowed to flush the toilet because it would wake his mum up.”
To be continued //
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